I stood at the end of the pier watching the sun set over the lake when the fear of being seen overhauled my nervous system. I had been craving a scenic sunset dinner at the local boardwalk. I was determined to go whether I had someone to go with me or not. However, standing there surrounded by families celebrating special occasions and couples snuggled up against the railing, made me want to run back to my car as fast as possible and grab something to go. The bravery I felt planning my beautiful solo date faded along with daylight. Rather than runaway, I remembered my pre-date pep talk. “I belong here. I am capable of handling moments of discomfort. This experience is helping me grow.” With that, I strolled along the boardwalk to a cozy Italian restaurant and took my seat at a table overlooking the water.
Self-doubt can sneak in and completely take over your solo date if you’re not proactive about your mindset. Pre-Date Pep Talks with positive affirmations can help you shift your mindset and take your power back. Positive affirmations are intentional statements that challenge negative self-talk and even rewire neuropathways. It isn’t about pretending everything is perfect but deliberately creating empowering beliefs over time. For me, they have changed feelings of fear and avoidance into confidence and curiosity. They have successfully shifted my fixed mindset into a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is the belief that you can improve and build your confidence through experience, whereas a fixed mindset is the belief you are stuck in your current situation. For example, a fixed mindset says, “I’m too shy to go anywhere by myself.” A growth mindset says, “Solo dating can get easier one new adventure at a time.” Developing a growth mindset is crucial for any shy girl wanting to step out of her comfort zones and into her confidence.
I learned early on in my solo dating journey that my thoughts swayed my emotions which in turn dictated my actions. The more I focused on how intimidating a date was, the more likely I was to not show up for myself. These thoughts sounded like, “Everyone is going to stare at me. It’s going to feel awkward or lonely. People will assume there’s something wrong with me if I’m there alone.” On the flip side, when I focused on the joy they could bring into my life, the more apt I was to go and enjoy myself. I began reminding myself, “I am capable of doing new things on my own. I can create my own happiness. I am worthy of taking up space.” Slowly but surely, I developed the courage to take myself on new adventures and with each date the affirmations were proven to be true.
Pre-Date Pep Talks are incorporated before each date and sprinkled in throughout it. I read my pep talks aloud as I get ready for my solo date. I have several sticky notes on my mirror as little reminders of my power. If anxiety or doubt creeps in while I am on my date, I immediately give myself another pep talk. After my date, I reflect on how the affirmations helped and record evidence to support my new belief. Every time I prove the accuracy of my affirmations, my confidence grows stronger and the next date is even easier.
Solo dates don’t require you to be fearless, but you do need to be willing to grow along with the experience. Choose a solo date that is slightly out of your comfort zone and a then pick affirmations to help you through it. Every solo dater started their journey with at least a little hesitation and a willingness to believe they could overcome it.
How to Create Your Own Pre-Date Pep Talks
First, identify the fear or limiting belief that is holding you back. Then reframe the thought into a positive statement. Be sure to make the affirmations believable and realistic. Here are some examples:
“I’m too shy to go alone.” -> “I am ready to create the life I desire.”
“It’s too embarrassing to go by myself.” -> “Every new experience empowers me.”
“I don’t trust my ability to keep myself safe.” -> “I trust my intuition and can overcome an obstacle.”
Steal My Favorite Pre-Date Pep Talks!
I let go of fears and embrace love in all of its forms.
I choose to find joy everywhere and in each moment.
I am open to find magic in the mundane.
I am the creator of my own happiness.
I release fear and embrace change with curiosity and adaptability.
I welcome new opportunities to play and love life daily.
I am open to new experiences and trust myself to navigate any situation.